For me, it wasn't a quick fix but it was mostly going through the fire so often that braught me to seek him. As a child, I remember being able to read peoples minds and how it almost cut me in pieces. I use to think my mother hated me to the point, she wanted me dead. The physical pain I endured was nothing compared to the emotional. I hated school, myself and mostly everything about life. I taught people were just plain cruel. Cruelty I've never been able to understand.
When I was 8 or 9, I use to go to church everyday (catholic) just so I could get out of my house. One day, I remember praying to God that he help me understand why people hated me so mush and to help me make some friends. I wanted this so bad I can't explain it. I was given a book from a co-worker one day just out of the blue and started reading it and faithfully applying everything I had learned. Eventually, what I didn't know then but I know now.. the Holy Sprit got into me. I could have faced the devil with no fear.. no lie. The empowerment I had rec'd was indescribable. At the time, I didn't know what it was.. I just taught I had changed. Basicly, the things I had started applying were from Gods word only it wasn't from the bible I had learned it. I was really looking for things I could do for someone else. it could even have been a smile.
The holy spirit left me after jealousy found a place in my heart and eventually several others; anger, depression to name a few.
I looked in every other direction (Tarot, ouija board, you name it...) except the Holy Bible.. Blessed was I, that nothing else worked.
One day, after being at the end of my rope, I decided to start reading the bible.. slowly, I could find peace which I had not experienced in a long time. The Lord had showed me some dreams and spoken to me several times but I didn't understand what he was telling me. For exemple, he told me once in a dream that he didn't like to be put on the cross.. so I took my crusifix and detached the 3 nails from the cross. What he was telling me was that because of my sinning, I was putting him on the cross over and over.
I separated, moved and found a church and got baptized. I was a backslidder and would commit to the church for 2 or 3 months than would stop for a month or so. When I came back asking if they would let me sing for them.. they denied me and told me I needed to commit to their church for at least 6 months before they could use me. This nearly tore my heart out and I stopped going there. Then I heard, the stone the builders rejected.
I'm now strong in the Lord or mush stronger but it's a very lonely path I'll tell you. I'm trying to go by every word of the bible including the 4th commandement.. the people around me think I'm nuts and especially that I use to be a "party dude".. it seems like some people are trying their hardest to get me back to the place I use to be.
I don't know what the Lord has planned for me.. he has given me a few dreams like "meditate hard on mexico" and "you were formed to be part as the body as a whole" and Isaah 61-3 just before I got fired from my job on June 24th of 09.
Thing is, I've been beat on so hard that I don't think I could go back to work anywhere. Depression seems to want to get the best of me. There are only two things left I want to do in my life. Sing for the Lord and heal people.
