It started the day I declared that ony John, Galatians and Revelations were the true books of the New Testament. I was fully convinced that I was hearing from the Holy Spirit but it turns out that it was an evil spirit telling me all kinds of lies. It told me that all the other books in the NT were an "imposter Jesus", and went on to say some pretty awful things. It said that God is all love and would not command his people to sacrifice animals (referring to what He commanded the Israelites in the Old Testament to do). I wrote my findings and sent them to five different prophetic ministries and left a copy for my mother-in-law to read. I was determined to not let anyone tell me otherwise and I was even prepared for the enemy to attack me. That night my husband woke me up at 2:30 in the morning with a bible in his trembling hand and told me to come into the living room to talk. His voice was shaky as he read to me the last part where John says, "If any man take away from the...." Right there the power of God's words struck my heart like a two-edged sword and my heart felt like it was literally shriveling up. I didn't know what was going on and thought that I had committed the unpardonable sin and that the Holy Spirit was leaving me. I had to stop my husband from reading because I could not bare the power of those words that came crushing down on me. I immediately got down on my hands and feet and looking upwards prayed out loud, "Heavenly Father, please forgive me...I thought I was being led by your Holy Spirit". It was impressed upon me very strongly and without any doubt that from Genesis to Revelation is the true word of God. Later, over the years I've learned that there can be some mistranslations, but the Holy Spirit will lead us into all truth. But the point was that I had begun doubting God's word and thinking that it was okay as a Christian to sin if the temptation was too much for me to bare. So, this had given me the excuse to get drunk, etc. When the sword of His truth pierced me, it felt like God had completely turned His back on me. It was devastating. I had no feelings - I couldn't cry or feel sorry for myself. I had no purpose. I couldn't even love our two young children which was very shocking and disturbing to me. I had no desire to even live anymore, yet I couldn't bring myself to kill myself because I knew I'd be in a lot worse place. It felt like my whole body was on fire and that I was literally experiencing hell while still alive. I tried devouring the bible for any comfort or relief - none. As I sat there completely hopeless, something changed. Suddenly I got a tremendous desire to obey what Jesus and the Apostles commanded us to do, even though I was going to hell. I said, "even in hell I will worship God". I didn't say this in hopes of God changing His mind, but I really had that desire to do so. I didn't see Him, but I felt as if Jesus was there in the corner of our bedroom ceiling. I looked up and asked Him if He would please teach me truth and restore my faith and to increase it. I felt like He was the only one listening to me. Somehow I sensed that He would teach me little by little and that it would take time - and this He did - I feel so alive and full of faith today, Praise God! But back to the terrible night. For the rest of the night I couldn't sleep and my body still felt on fire. The next day when my husband came home from work he asked me how I was doing. Embarresed and ashamed I admitted, "I'm going to hell, there is no hope for me". He said, "that's not true...this is some type of chastening or something". That made so much sense and I had a new spark of faith, I had forgotten that the Lord chastens His children. That night I prayed that God would continue to chasten me and to burn up all the chaff and everything bad in me even though it didn't feel good. As soon as I laid down an increased amount of fire began burning inside of me. This was not a fever...it was definitely something supernatural. Then I felt power almost like a big invisible bubble inside of me going from my head to my feet and back up again. I woke up feeling so refreshed and energized. This happened March 7, 2000. It changed me so much and I still love to read my bible unlike before when it was a burden for me and very boring, as well as scary.
